When the stars threw down their spears, And water’d heaven with their tears, Did He smile His work to see? Did He who made the lamb make thee? (William Blake)

by Captain Australia on December 4, 2009

Captain Australia’s Crime Fighting Journal, Entry#35

Captain Australia Theme Song

Firstly, before I get into the post, I’d like to apologise in advance for the quality of video & sound.  My videographer has been chosen for his martial arts experience first, skill as a film maker being secondary.  When I can afford it, I’m going to purchase a better camera and a bluetooth microphone, so that I can provide better quality footage to document my patrols.  With the compromised video I’m getting now, I couldn’t really rely on it as evidence, but we’ll improve.

Secondly, let me explain the quote heading this journal entry, and why I chose it:

When the stars threw down their spearssurfers

And water’d heaven with their tears

Did he smile, his work to see ?

Did he who made the lamb make thee ?

– William Blake

This verse is about Satan being cast from heaven, and his War with God.  I think it’s beautiful & poignant, although I’m not specifically religious (although I do believe there’s a creator, and that the creator loves us and is Good).  What it is essentially posing is:  God created Christ the Lamb, a paragon of purity, truth & goodness .. but God also created Satan, a creature of grief, pride, selfishness and emptiness.  And, importantly: God created you.  Does he smile when he looks at you ?  Or weep .. ?  Do you resemble Christ .. or the other guy, the outsider ?

Last weekend I patrolled Surfers Paradise, intending to address the hooliganism and violence that is rife during the “schoolies” celebrations, when kids who have just finished their final year break loose and party.  I also intended to meet these youth-of-today-leaders-of-tomorrow, and understand their values and decisions and hopefully influence them.

As Captain Australia, I’m trying to live my life as if God were watching (assuming God is part Fonzie, part Gandhi & part Batman). It’s basically that question that I set out looking to answer with regard to our leaders of tomorrow:  if God were watching, would he be pleased .. or ashamed ?

In the video below, I explain my purpose at Schoolies Week.

If you need any help bashin’ guys, I’ll come !“, Captain Dominic

Our first encounter was with an inebriated young man named Johnno, who was wandering around dazed and confused. He was uncertain of the time (he thought it was around 10pm when it was actually much earlier in the evening).  We spoke about his plans:  short term (to get more drunk and to “dance his arse off”), and longer term (to study law).  He seemed a pleasant and articulate young man compared to those we met later, and yet at the same time when asked “Why Law?“, his response was “I can make a huge amount of money“.  The interesting thing was that when prompted with the question “What about making the world a better place ?  Why not human rights law or something like that ?“, he paused thoughtfully, and commented that “I am a moral person and will think about it“.  (Encouraging).  We had a number of interruptions by drunken passers-by, but the mood was generally festive and friendly (maybe a little too friendly, I think the gentleman in the base-ball cap could at least have bought me dinner & a movie before dry-humping my leg).

We moved on, continuing toward the main party area of Surfers Paradise, the mood remained festive and friendly.  Plenty of drunks, but no hooligans.  Generally the kids we met seemed sincere, curious & amused.  They wanted to get drunk and have fun (example, this kid was about to get stuck into some Absinthe), but aside from a certain recklessness and an empty (but understandable) pursuit of pleasure and gratification – on the whole the kids seemed mild and well behaved.

Some of the young men clearly felt they were ‘alpha’ and had a slightly belligerent or sarcastic attitude.  You may not be able to tell from this video, but this young man and his friends were trying to make threatening gestures, not unlike monkeys or babboons trying to test the mettle of another ape.  They asked about fighting and would I intervene or retaliate if attacked.  Captain Australia is no ape, luckily for them they remained peaceful overall.

You can get the overall tone of the patrol from the following sequence of videos.  Watch carefully at the start of the video where I address the camera to explain again why I’m there, and you will see a drunken girl fall over in the background.  I am very encouraged by the fact that I was not the only person who moved to assist.  It was a minor incident and nobody was hurt (thankfully). It’s worrying how something so small can actually end a human life.  It prompts me to consider also that if some drunken thug comes up and king-hits me in the back of the head, my life could be ended in one brutal and pointless moment.

One thing that did disturb and concern me was being crash tackled by teenage girls every 5 minutes. When did young women become so aggressive ?  In this video, you will see 3 girls approach for a photo, and you’ll have to take my word for it, but the girl in the middle was rubbing herself against Captain Australia in a very inappropriate way.  Luckily our hero kept his composure and his dignity.

In perhaps the strangest twist of the evening, I was walking through the Surfers Paradise mall area, and I found a microphone pressed into my hand as a paid singer in a sidewalk bar was singing “I’m a Believer”.  I joined in for a few bars, and danced briefly at the performers’ insistence, but he took the microphone away and moved aside when he realised I was stealing his thunder, so I quickly moved on.  Regrettably, my videographer was trying to get a girls’ phone number, or not paying attention – so we only got the final moments on film: note to self, if I ever become a fabulously wealthy crime-fighter, hire a real camera-guy instead a martial artist who works for hamburgers and free ju-jitsu lessons.

This next video sequence documents an encounter with a couple of lovely kids (korean or japanese), as well as Doctor J, the regular Surfers Paradise Busker (if youre curious, you can find music and videos at youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/doktorjfeelgood#p/a/u/2/8RAxVEC38-A), shortly after is a brief encounter where a giving hug takes a slightly sexy turn.  (Again the Captain acquits himself admirably).

The evening took a bleaker turn when I had an encounter with a taciturn young fellow who looked a bit like a young Steven Seagal, and was quick to declare “you know he looks like a dickhead, dontcha?“, be that as it may, the Captain was not about to take that sitting down, so I asked him “I don’t like your shirt, and I think you look stupid – but I dont feel the need to declare it to the public, what’s your problem ?“, to which the young man replied “youre wearing a green hood !  you look like a really shit  super hero !“, I regret that I took it down to his level and accused him that “you look like Steven Seagal“.  At that point we moved on….

… and met the paralytically drunk (or drugged) boys from Katoomba.  I explained my mission and offered to help them, after we talked about where they were from and what they had planned.  This sequence of videos essentially documents a series of random encounters, including a pleasant (but addled with alcohol) young lady named Kellie who was curious about my goals.  After which we met a few ‘toolies’ who were only interested in a photo opportunity.

After that, we headed back into a more populated area, where I explore the “Be Safe Watch Your Mates” concept, and also offer my support to one of the Schoolies Support Teams (before being tackled by female fans).

While continuing my patrol, I met a bewildered young man with a slightly aggressive attitude, who was concerned that I had ‘hooch’ in my ultility belt.  (And if I did, he probably wanted to buy some).  I have to ask:  does hooch mean marijuana or some other kind of drug to kids today ? Back in my day, Hooch referred to alcohol..

When stopping for a coke, I met this lovely samoan boy.  I’m sorry that the video and audio is so bad – but if you look at this young man, he’s a big unit.  The thing is, he’s only 18 years old !  They breed ’em big in Samoa .. luckily they also raise ’em peaceful and soft-spoken.  If I were to choose a hero sidekick, I’d choose a kid exactly like this young man, strong, gentle, slow to anger.  Would have to dream up a good name though.. Captain Australia & Burly Boy .. Captain Australia & the Samoan Sidekick ?  Hmm.  Food for thought.  Oh !  Snap !  Captain Australia & Sargeant Samoa !

Just while finishing my coke and preparing to move on, a young woman approached and asked me “are you a toolie ?“.  I explained that “Technically yes, but I am an anti-toolie-toolie“, she responded “Oh, so youre here to fight toolies ?  Wait here while I go get one“.  Unfortunately she never returned … at which point another young lady approached, and Cuddled Captain Consuming Coke (try saying that three times while holding your tongue).

In the final encounter of the evening, I met two heavily stoned young men, and we spoke quite intelligently about the decriminalisation of currently illicit substances (note the young kiwi boy and his mime at the start).  Although I have a strong stance against crime, I do hold the view that decriminisation of most illegal drugs would actually deliver overall social benefit – as instead of spending money pursuing the criminals, you can use the tax revenue to create infrastructure supporting safe use, treatment, education.

Finally, below, see my closing comment before leaving the schoolies patrol.

In closing, it strikes me that my mission is more important than ever.  I can reach these kids, these leaders-of-tomorrow.  If I can inspire even just one of them, there’s a ripple effect.  I’m frustrated that in the past two months I haven’t fought any actual crime.  Part of me still wants to run across rooftops (and I’m training hard for this), but I’m realising after patrolling schoolies that one of my very important responsibilities is to be a role model.

It doesnt compromise my secret identity telling you that I have a son.  When he was born, suddenly the world was more beautiful to me, my spirit was lightened, and darkness inside me was gone.  I realised that day, that The only real way to fight darkness .. is to light a candle.  Hopefully by inspiring you, I can light a thousand candles.

– Your friend, Captain Australia

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

forex robot December 5, 2009 at 1:04 am

Great post this will really help me.


Captain Australia December 5, 2009 at 1:46 am

Thank you, Citizen. Apologies for the video quality.
Your friend,
Captain Australia


Videographer December 5, 2009 at 7:27 pm

Dear Captain,

excellent post as usual. I am sorry for missing your impressive dance maneuvers, when that chap offered you the microphone I certainly don’t think he was expecting you to take it and start working the crowd like the true hero you are!


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